...and now...time for a RANT!
Whether we wish to admit it (or even consider it); we humans have an ongoing love-hate relationship with animals. From the dawn of time when the serpent tempted Eve and ruined her Garden party, to that pesky and thoroughly destructive Gray squirrel that gleefully nips the heads off your emerging spring tulips; animals can really piss you off sometimes.
Why would I even “go there?”
Well, the other day when I was in the rental’s storage area in the
basement going through the camping gear for the first time this season; it came
to me. I was unloading things that I had
carefully arranged on the built-in shelving, when I reached the top shelf. This
was where I had left the items specific to backpack-style camping; including a
substantial amount of expensive dried meals.
My first indications that I had a “situation,” were the multiple piles
of chocolate jimmies and shredded foil lying on the shelf. I grabbed the bag that had previously
contained what was supposed to be deliciously dehydrated, human food and
instead discovered only the completely chewed up remains of the air-tight packaging,
intermingled with the stench of vermin urine.
That made me mad! I was mad first
at the audacity of whatever tiny, whiskered interloper had fed itself all
winter-long on premium dried camp-chow; and then at myself for my trust. I mean, “C’Mon!” Sure, I had culpability for placing the food
on a basement shelf, but I sure as hell didn't also place a “free meals for
mice” sign on the containers.
As if the lost food wasn't enough; the little shit (or
shits) had made a nest and toilet facility out of my stuff-able Coleman camp
pillow and a nearby tent bag. I was
fuming at the very injustice of this egregious and ruinous affront to my stuff
as I swept, vacuumed, and tossed previously perfectly good items into the trash
bin. Also, imagine the irony on my way
outside to the alley dumpsters as I noticed that even the avian-loving “Birdstud”
isn't immune to having birdshit on the hood of his vehicle.
This entire spring has also found me battling daily to
regroup from the insane digging and pouch-full plantings of black-oil sunflower
seeds by some damn Chipmunk that lives under the front porch. Yes, I put the stupid seeds out (FOR THE
BIRDS) but must I also suffer the consequences of this misguided rodent
gardener. For crying’ out loud “chippy,”
what the hell exactly do you think you’re doing removing the soil from around
freshly planted annuals, just to shove a soggy mouthful of seeds into the dirt, that will only sprout into more plants?!
If you thought this was effective seed-hoarding behavior; you’re wrong…not
unless you are purposely doing your level best to grow even more plants for an
eventual fall harvest! Alas, you feed
the birds; you also get rodents.
Who amongst you (dear reader) have not had your prized (such
and such) plant nibbled to the ground by a feral bunny rabbit or lumbering
woodchuck? The residents of the
Northwoods have to endure non-stop destruction of their beloved flora by a host
of woodsy creatures. Whitetail deer and
Black bear are amongst the leading candidates of disdain when it comes to
trying to be in harmony with Mother Nature while attempting to manage a stupid
three-month garden. People have spent
tens of thousands each year re-planting, and re-purchasing in a vain struggle
to enjoy the great outdoors and live in harmony with every living
creature. Skunks that spray inside your
garage full of recreational equipment, cats that have litters of unplanned young
in your pop-up camper, horses that chew
up your decorative woodwork, to bats and pigeons taking up residency in your
attic and decorating your child’s box of saved artwork…it seems that nothing is
sacred. I haven’t even started on our
beloved house pets! Cats that spitefully
piss in your closet on your fancy cowboy boot collection because they are
irritated with you, and the dog that eats your brand new couch while you had
the audacity to go to work and leave them alone. THESE are the times that try men’s souls.
What are we (humans) to do?
Basically, there’s nothing we CAN do but keep rolling with the punches
we receive from animals, insects, etc.
If you think about it (and you've seen the old Sci-fi movies, like Planet of the Apes, Logan's Run, Day of the Triffids, Food of the Gods or Night of the Lepus) we are
only a few months of doing no maintenance, from the natural world completely
devouring up everything we have built and/or created. Bugs, lizards, vines, tree roots, and dirt piles
will eventually win the day if we give up, turn our backs, or let “them”
win. So, are you with me? Step outside and yell the following with me, “I’m
mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
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| Beware! |
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| Don't let your guard down! |
